So, Selvie, you must be asking yourself. Where the hell have you been? Or maybe you’re not asking that at all. Maybe you’re just asking yourself, What the fuck is a “Selvie”?

Well, truth is, I’ve been trying to introduce an article that was born out of a conversation between myself and an acquaintance where we happen to find common ground on on the portrayal of male nudity in the media

There was this little piece I wrote on my viewpoint about the actor Joseph Dain and on frontal nudity in ENM media. It had gotten some attention. This also made the rounds to some friends and acquaintances. Among them was a straight dude that worked as a support staff member in a place I frequent. Pilot (that’s what I’m going to call him in these articles) was a unique case. He didn’t feel comfortable about his body, but at the same time, he had no qualms with being naked. As we talked more on this, it lead to talk about how I thought he was an attractive guy, which lead to talk about the social constructs between straight and gay men. That lead into talks of an interview, which lead to a suggestion that he be naked during the interview. I can’t remember which one of us came up with that, or if it was an idea that transpired, equally, from our conversation.

So, the interview happened and, true to his word, after I got into his apartment, he undressed fully and there he was, completely naked in front of me.

We talked about several subjects, all of which will be covered in other articles coming in the future. And while there was a certain excitement attached to seeing this guy in the buff, what was a more prevalent feeling was why he agreed to do it. He believed in my voice, believed in what I had to say. And he agreed to connect on a completely intellectual level where the only barrier that was taken down was clothing. And then I just…. did nothing for quite a while. I had kept putting it off because of both a certain fear and because I figured, would anyone want to hear what I had to say after leaving the scene for so long?

I unfairly compared this period of procrastination to certain personal failures in the past and was using that to build my outlook of the future instead of knowing that failure… is only part of the process. Failure just means that it is something to learn from while you’re down there on the ground, picking yourself back up again.

With that said, while the past should only be considered a vacation spot and nothing to proclaim permanent status in, sometimes, it’s necessary. I’ve often used the past as a way to repeat the future. So, why not do the opposite? Use my past and even the bridges I have burned as a way to build new paths. Sure, I may not be in my 20s anymore, hell, I’m not even in my 30s anymore. But that doesn’t mean that I should just go run to a mountain top, rent out a shack and declare myself a hermit. So, this is where I start. By writing an article I should have written over a year ago.

On the day of the interview, I saw him waiting upstairs on his patio. As I walked upstairs to his apartment, there was a slight nervousness I’d felt. Because, truth be told, even though I’ve written many stories about men being forced into very naked situations, I’m pretty big on consent. It’s not like I go running around with gun in hand forcing dudes to take their clothes off.

I use a fake gun. Obvi.

But seriously, I wanted to make this as comfortable for him as possible. This wasn’t necessarily going to be like in a locker room or at some nudist camp. This was going to be a wholly different experience.

Here is a snippet of the conversation on that day:

Once the door and blinds were closed, he began to undress. To ease some of the tension, I did comment on some of his tattoos, trying to attach a casual vibe to the start of the discussion. I would be lying if I didn’t say my heart was beating a little bit faster, or even if there was a hint of desire at the back of my mind. But tempered both with concentrating on the questions I’d prepared and just how I would want this to come across when I wrote it later.

Once his clothes were shed, I sat down on his couch and he sat in front of me. I flipped on the recorder:

I’m just going to start off with a few simple questions.

Sure.

So, right now, with me being clothed and you not, how, how do you feel right now?

Eh, I’m mean, just a little bit nervous at the start of it. But I have a much higher tolerance for my own nudity than other people. It was, maybe over the summer, um… with some friends and they had a natural spring pool in a little place that we rented, right? And I had completely forgotten to bring swimming trunks with me. So I just popped in, just in briefs, right? Never even occurred to me. Ya know, for the rest of the weekend, my friends are sort of aware that I don’t have the same boundaries around my own nudity.

Yeah.

Um, but it’s still just, like, teasing. It’s like, Pilot’s running around in his panties. Totally normal vacation.

So, I remember, ummm, you’d said that your, ughh, your approach to nudity is either, ugh, obsolete or rare. From what you see in movies, pop culture, um, can you explain why you feel it’s different from your point of view compared to how others see it?

Um, I think it’s a combination of two things: Some of it is just my dad, who has that lack of boundaries around male nudity and, basically, just me and Dad growing up. Umm, being raised by somebody who didn’t have any real boundaries around that. It didn’t occur to me until I was in high school that there was a barrier around it. And the way that I discovered it is that I’d be in the locker room after track practice.

Basically all of my teammates would face the wall the entire time. Right? So, if I wanted to, if I was directing my comments to somebody, I would turn to face them. Because that’s normal conversation behavior. None of us are wearing any clothes so, like, who gives a shit? Literally every single one of my teammates would just stay facing the wall. Ya know, got teased a little bit about that kind of stuff. But, nothing mean-hearted. I think normal rich-white-kid homophobia about it every once in a while. It was just clear that my boundaries were in a very different spot than there’s were.

Did anyone ever sneak down there?

Not that I noticed. It just seems to be a bit of a thing, like, I think, my attitude about it, especially collective male spaces like locker rooms, I think I might have been one of the last people to pick up that attitude? Right? I definitely noticed that there’s a generational divide when I’m in the locker room as an adult. The men who are, like, 50 plus don’t really give a fuck. They pop out of the shower, they dry themselves off, they’re talking to each other the whole time. They’re not taking any measures to be physically modest like in the locker room whereas everybody who’s like 35 and younger seem to be, well, much closer towards ya know, turning your back to your friends while you’re changing. Even if you’re continuing a conversation.

This was Pilot’s viewpoint. Incredibly open minded and willing to discuss and talk about boundaries and his personal journey with fitness and even talking about the ENM fetish, but also, wanting to deconstruct it and having no issue about being not only a visual focal point, but an anchor to ground the subjects at hand into talk of intellect and sexuality and how it has all changed over time.

As of writing this article, 744 days, 17,856 hours and 1,071,360 minutes has passed since the publishing of “Why So Private, Dick?”

I remember telling myself that this was going to be the start of a new Selvie Blue. Erotic fiction mixed with in-depth articles and viewpoints. But, along the way, something happened. Something got in the way. The same something that can destroy us if we let it. The same something that can give us strength and passion and desire and hope and the whole pallet of human ambitions and emotions. It’s said to weigh about 3 pounds, it rests behind our eyes and produces millions of thoughts each day.

For the longest time, I have let regret and fear take the wheel. I have allowed all of these negative thoughts to not only stay, I have rented out entire departments in my brain for them. Because of this, I tend to dip my toes in new perspectives and projects only to get swallowed up by sink holes that can drag me back down into a stagnancy.

But, what Pilot said about being comfortable with himself… he’s right. You can’t punish yourself when you fall short of goals you’ve set for yourself. It doesn’t do anyone any good, most of all, yourself. All you can do is get back up and keep trying.

With that said, I want this to be the beginning of a series of articles, each one on different focal points we had in our conversation. This is my groundwork. The road I’m putting in front of myself.

While we’re only human and fear and regret are part of the combo package that make us who we are, it shouldn’t be what controls us. So, this is me… taking the wheel.